now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
