Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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