he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
