plz talk dirty to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
