hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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