Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
