i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
