thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
