Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
