: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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