Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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