So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
