He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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