You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
