I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
