I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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