It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
