and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
