Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
