Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
