remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
