Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
