why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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