you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
