I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
