Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
