Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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