he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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