dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
