is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
