you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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