I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
