I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
