I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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