I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
