The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
