Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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