I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He better not be in your backpack
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
