Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Even my vagina gasped.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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