I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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