I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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