im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
