At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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