There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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