Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
