Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
