just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
