I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
