Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
