Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i believe in u and ur pee
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