Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They took my balls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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