yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
